Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Does Having a Family Make You Average?

I just read THIS article by Amy Glass after reading THIS one, also by her. She is infuriating stay-at-home moms everywhere by calling them "average" and claiming they will "never be exceptional" because of their choice to become parents. I am not sure what makes the author of an average looking blog so exceptional. Her writing sure isn't. With her simple, dry style, I do get to know that she doesn't have kids or a partner and thinks she has a much better chance at making great accomplishments in life than any of us.

So many of us have been on both sides of this argument. We've seen both worlds and can tell you which (the single life, or family life of a sahm) is more fulfilling and fun for us. The author cannot. That is probably why she is asking the question "Is the point to having kids is just not to be lonely?" She may never know the answer to that, especially because she seems to like being alone.

I used to think like this and had a successful, challenging and fulfilling career into my 30s. It wasn't until I met my husband that I could even THINK about having a child. Then I was screwed over by my employer right after we got married and we decided to start a family instead of me changing jobs or starting a business. I can't believe how insignificant all my accomplishments are to me now and how, in many ways, I wasted so much passion for my job on a company that wasn't there for me at all in the long run.

I suppose I'm lucky because I've seen both worlds, been happy and accomplished so much without kids. I  traveled the world, partied, worked my butt off, and became a wife, mommy, a mommy blogger. I suppose I am lucky enough that I don't need to bring as much money home as I did with my old stressful, life-sucking job. (Mommy bloggers like me don't make much). I DID make a trade-off for that life, though, because I'm going to be an "older" mom from now on. I regret that, sometimes, when I'm pounding the coffee to keep up with my son. We would have had a great time, in my twenties, together... but at least he's here, now, right?

I guess I can't complain too much about losing my twenties to being adventurous, jet-setting, ladder-climbing, wild, blowing all my cash and pushing way too hard to hit goals because it was a good time. Would I want to go back there? Here and there I do. It's called date night. For those that had kids early, it is called college. Do a good job parenting, Teen Mom, and you can be an empty nester in your thirties when the kids start taking care of themselves.

I will have to say that there are really cool things about having kids when you are more mature, and it probably works when you are young, too. You start to become amazingly hyper-aware of yourself and your thoughts, ideas, words, and actions. You are raising a young person to become outstanding. You are at the top of your game and constantly learning and improving your psychology, vocabulary, and approach to help make this young person become better than you ever will be. You are more organized, efficient, informed. You are healthier, stronger, and more active.

Sitting in an office chair for 8 hours leaving only to empower my team might be a nice treat (yes, I said a treat) once in a while, but as a lifestyle? Not anymore. I love my enlightened and well-rounded life. If you are fortunate enough to have a good, solid partnership with someone you love and you support each other in working and caring for your kids, your pets, your tomato garden, worm bin, or whatever life it is you choose to love, you can accomplish almost anything from being a kind, good, and caring person in this world to friggin' President of the United States.

What is better, having a career or having kids and what is the point of having kids if there is one?

There is only ONE way to find out, and there is no turning back.

Young moms, old moms, stay-at-homes and working moms, if you are very driven on your own, you will have no problem taking on motherhood, you will find ways to still work on yourself, and be excellent parent, too.

Don't let blog posts like the one from Amy Glass discourage you from having children if you want to be "exceptional". You see, a lot of that "push" that you need to go places in life comes right from that little family you've created. For many of us, it is much easier and a very powerful thing to want to be a better person and change the world when you have a crew backing you up and loving you back, every day.

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